Hamburgers. I love a good hamburger. Grilled to perfection. Light on condiments and placed on a bun that can handle the meat. Maybe cheese. A freakin’ simple, self-contained meal.
I was introduced to hamburgers from two very different sources: McDonalds and summer grill outs. At McDonalds I was fascinated by that thin patty and how they used both mustard and ketchup. The burgers had those weird onion squares, two pickles (three if you were lucky), and they wrapped the burger up like a present. This couldn’t be more different than summer grill outs. Dad would use way too much charcoal and lighter fluid, the onions were recognizable, and we could have as many pickles as we wanted. In the backyard, not only didn’t the hamburgers come wrapped, sometimes they fell on the ground and we still ate them.
The next burger era came from sit down restaurants where burgers were served on real plates, with my choice of what to put on it. The choices were humble: mustard, ketchup, mayo, lettuce*, tomato, and/or cheese. Maybe onion. Not fancy.
We’re in a new era of burger dining and simplicity is not valued and burger places love to give the customer adorably named burgers with loads of non-traditional ingredients. Restaurants will put anything on burger.
As a brief aside, we don’t disrespect a b.l.t. or a club sandwich like this. You just eat those kinds of sandwiches without messing with their karma. A hamburger, on the other hand, is now a blank slate for culinary experimentation.
I don’t want to stand in the way of topping progress. I say, put whatever you want on that patty. I will eat my basic/regular burger without shame.
This is just a long-winded way to get to my point. I think in the age of anything goes, it is time to “fix” the way we eat burgers. I’m talking about the physical way we deliver the sandwich to our mouths. We should know this by now. You have to turn the burger upside down so the big part of the bun is on the bottom. It’s a bun to juice drainage ratio thing. You topping lovers will thank me.
I just googled eating burgers upside and was happy to note that “smart people” eat their burgers this way. Of course. Be smart, turn your hamburger over no matter how you order it.
*Restaurants always use one large leaf of lettuce which I refer to as the lettuce blanket