Get a Job, sha na na na na

I’m in the middle of a job search. I’ve updated my resume and have smooth (and true) explanations ready for why I left my previous employer and why I’m the right person for the position, I mean the opportunity, your company provides.

I’m searching for an office job. I mention this because different professions have different ways of filling job openings. You don’t get a job as a bartender quite the same way you go about getting a job as a truck driver, or office worker. For my line of work, I submit my resume to the internet which converts my beautiful employment prose into data. Companies and recruiters looking for specific terms/skills search the data, hopefully find me, decide I’m perfect, and hire me.

Technology has mostly eliminated “hitting the pavement.” Walking into offices cold with resume in hand is something you see in old movies. Today that behavior is cause for alarm for the person who has to greet the job seeker. It’s creepy. My resumes, found through cyberspace are routinely dismissed without having to talk to anyone. It’s not great for my ego, but it is a time saver. When I get calls for interviews, at least there’s a remote possibility I’m qualified and interested.

Within minutes of posting my resume on one or more of the major job board sites (Career Builder, Zip Recruiter, Monster, and others), emails start hitting my inbox. These aren’t emails offering me jobs. These are emails from various recruiters listing the jobs they are working on filling. If I get hired through their “invitation”, the recruiter makes money.

As a job seeker, recruiters are very into me.

Some of the same jobs appear over and over on different sites. I’m not convinced they aren’t owned by one super recruiter. Yet, each has a different spin on presenting jobs and enticing me to apply. .

Some of these job boards will send me 100 open positions at a time… twice a day. That’s 100 x 2 positions their algorithm says I’m either qualified for or interested in. (They over-estimate my interest.) Their hope is that if they throw everything at me, one will catch me eye, and that one job will be THE ONE. I get hired. They get paid. Everybody wins.

In addition to volume, there is the ease of applying. Once my resume is registered, many jobs offer “1-click apply” which is exactly what it says. I click the mouse and a hiring manager has my resume. Boom! This is probably why, when I’ve actually spoken in person to legit recruiters, they say a big portion of their job is wading through resumes and applications from people who are not qualified. In other words, when I see all the jobs on all the emails I receive each day, I might apply to one or two, here and there. Some job seekers 1-click apply to everything that crosses in front of them like it’s a video game.

The algorithm is funny, too. Because I’m looking for an administrative or clerical position, I’m made aware the U.S. Army in the area is looking for a new cleric. Cleric is part of clerical after all. Nevertheless, I am decidedly not qualified.

Of course, there are bottom feeders using recruitment as a way to scam people who might be in gullible due to their circumstances. I think these messages are pretty transparent, but I know they work on some people and it pisses me off. If I’m being promised great wealth for little effort I can assume it’s a scam. In fact, if I’m promised anything it’s a probably a scam. Here’s the entirety of an email I got yesterday:

Hello, Alana O’Koon.

We have discovered your CV on job-board, and came to a conclusion that we want to hire you.

All information regarding the position can be seen in the attachment.

Have a great day!

Wow! Isn’t that great? I came to the conclusion that if I had opened the attachment (which I didn’t), my personal information would have been in the hands of a Russian hacker quicker than you could say “Equal Opportunity Employer.”

Job searching is fun

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